I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
