Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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