There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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