I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i will never coherently bang her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
