walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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