You really coming over, don't trick.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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