Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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