This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
