Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
