the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
