if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
