I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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