hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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