I feel great
I just peed on a car
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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