He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
