im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
