So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
