Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
