I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
tell me about the fingering
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