How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
