I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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