i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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