have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
