3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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