Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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