pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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