you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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