I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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