So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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