We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
