new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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