drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
