Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
