I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
