i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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