If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
