went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
