Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
