It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
