I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
