I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
