I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
