no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
