Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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