How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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