I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
