i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
