im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
