Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
