i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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