I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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