READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
