i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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