Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didn't notice because vodka
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
