my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
