Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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