I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
