I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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