his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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