for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
