Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
