i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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