We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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