The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
no, he came in my armpit
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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