just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
