Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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