I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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