i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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