I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
